Haute Flash Blog

How Many Times Can I Use the Word "Flash"?

2009-03-27T16:21:00.005-06:00

So here’s an interesting news flash: I saw a new doctor the other week, and she tells me I may not be in menopause after all. Yeah, the hot flashes, sleeplessness, and all of the other delightful symptoms may have been perimenopause. I’m fine with that except that two years ago, I spent a lot of money on a Follicle-Stimulating Hormone (FSH) test that said I was in the throes of “the change.” Now, this new doc says that maybe it was just that particular month that my hormone levels indicated I was in menopause. They fluctuate, ya know….

I’m not happy about this. I stopped having hot flashes every day, a million times a day several months ago. Now they’re occasional – sometimes I have several flashes a day. Some days I "flash" once or twice. Sometimes I go days without any flashing.

I’m no expert on menopause, which is why I write this blog (when I get around to it, that is). The thing is, I keep thinking I’ve figured it out, and then I discover something like this. Next week, I’ll spend another sum of money on anotherFSH test to see if I’m in menopause. But here’s the thing, if the test indicates I am menopausal, how do I know it’s not just another reading from another particular month? I can hardly wait to find out.

Follow me on twitter http://twitter.com/hauteflash

Valentine's Day According to Me

2009-02-14T09:45:00.004-07:00

I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day. I like the idea of celebrating love, but I see this particular holiday as a commercial event that leaves out those who have no boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/partner/spouse. My cynical view of Valentine's Day (I call it VD) probably stems from being a single mom for 12 years. Every VD, I would go to work, dreading the parade of flowers that would march past me en route to my female co-workers. By the end of the day, mine was one of very few unadorned desks.

When I met the man who is now my husband, he gave me a card for our first Valentine’s Day. He has a habit of purchasing cards, modifying the message, and watching for my reaction to see if I catch his clever edits. Seven years ago, we started giving each other traditional Valentines. I now receive a dozen red roses, along with a heart-shaped box of candy, and one of his goofy cards. I give him a box of expensive chocolates. (This year, I gave him a huge jar of jelly beans because I felt it was time to shake things up.)

In spite of my cynicism towards Valentine’s Day, I appreciate that I have someone special in my life. I enjoy feasting on chocolate and breathing in the aroma of roses. But in a few days, the heart-shaped box will contain empty crumpled paper. (My chocolate is always the first to go, and it goes fast). The roses will soon droop in their vase. What I celebrate every day is that when I go to sleep at night and wake up every morning, my sweet, unromantic husband is right there next to me. No commercial holiday can make that blessing any more meaningful.

Facebook is My Friend

2009-02-03T14:56:00.004-07:00

Like millions of others, I’ve become a fan of Facebook (FB), which I joined about 18 months ago. As is the case with many newcomers to FB, I signed up for just about every application. I got to super poke, give good karma, plant trees, give sea creatures, and accept all sorts of lovely things. The problem is that the darn thing consumed too much of my time. Now I use it mostly for connecting with people.

I love FB because I have made hundreds of new friends from all over the world. Most of those are people I’ve made through Common Tables (www.commontables.org), an interfaith organization for whom I do pro bono PR. It’s easy to befriend those who think the world would be a better place if more of us came to understand and honor that which makes us difference from one another and celebrate the things we have in common.

There are several Monaghans (and one Monahan) on FB, who are friends, simply because we share the same last name, but they’ve become great new pals. A number of my friends on FB are people I actually know. Just in the past two months, I’ve reconnected with dozens of former co-workers and classmates I thought I’d never see again.

Those who don’t get social media consider it a waste of time. As I've already admitted, it can be, but it’s also brought me in touch with people I dearly love. As a public relations professional, I’ve realized that social media is a tool I must embrace and use frequently. It cannot replace person-to-person contact, but it can enhance existing connections and help form new ones.

I’m no longer super-poking or doing any of the other fun things on FB which I so enjoyed, but I continue to build my network and make new friends. If you’re on Facebook, feel free to "friend" me. You can also follow me on Twitter – www.twitter.com/hauteflash.

Not Blahgging

2009-01-24T09:30:00.008-07:00

It’s scary writing a blog because I’ve discovered that some people actually read it. I always feel a bit embarrassed when someone I don’t know well says, “Oh, I’ve been following your blog.” I also feel like I’m letting them down. Given the gaps between my blog entries, there’s not a lot to follow. Regardless, I continue to blog because I know there's a point to it.

Every day for the past two weeks, I’ve sat down to update my blog. The words just haven’t flowed. I’ve found myself getting easily distracted. I’ll start to write, and just as I get to something sensible, I look at the clock and realize I’m running late for a meeting, or that it’s time to get back to work on a client project.

I drafted one entry after January 1st – sort of a New Year’s bit, but it seemed trite and more of a blahg entry than anything else, so I scrapped it. In spite of my lack of updates, my life hasn’t been that slow and uninteresting – certainly not this month.

Last week I reconnected with two women I hadn’t seen in 10 years. Initially, I was concerned that they’d see me and think “Man, she looks old!” After all, I’m now in my 50’s, and they’re still in their early 40’s. I advocate that our culture should not so hung up about getting older. Sadly, I share in that hang up. It is when I speak with dear friends, about the different paths our lives have taken us that I cherish my experience as a middle-aged woman. Women my age, who are comfortable in their own skin, do not dwell on petty issues. We embrace our past, acknowledge that we’re learning in the present and anticipate the challenges and opportunities awaiting us in the future.

I’m not an extraordinary woman, but I knew that when I first created thehauteflashsite.com. I’m a typical 50-year-old woman (soon to be 51), who hopes my ramblings might nudge other middle-aged women to see that life, as average as it may be, offers and abundance of experiences and lessons, most of which are pretty darn interesting.

Follow me on Twitter http://twitter.com/hauteflash

Moving Back Home

2008-12-13T10:35:00.002-07:00

After living on her own for the past eight (or is it nine?) years, Caitlin has just moved back home. She is in school full-time, and next month, she’s going to Mexico to study for a semester. The lease on her apartment ended in November, and it didn’t make sense to pay rent on a space she wouldn’t occupy for several months. She spent most of November moving, cleaning and organizing.

A lot has changed since Caitlin and I lived in the same house. First, I sold our old home about seven years ago, when I moved to New Mexico for about five years. (We moved back about two years ago.) Second, Chuck, the guy that was my boyfriend those many years ago, is now my husband. Caitlin and Chuck hit it off from the start, but after knowing me as a single mom from the time she was two, Caitlin’s still adjusting to the concept of her mom as a married woman. Third, and probably most challenging for Caitlin, we live 20 minutes from the center of Denver.

Caitlin’s trying to make herself at home in our townhome, in this suburban neighborhood of mostly retirees. I know it’s difficult for her to explain to people that she lives in her mom and step-dad’s basement. (How many times have we heard about creepy ax-murderers who live in their parents’ basements?) But I love having my daughter around. It’s an adjustment for all of us, but we’re making it work.

It's Not Getting Older I Mind... It's Getting Old.

2008-11-19T16:57:00.003-07:00

I’ve been trying to stop by my mom’s at least once a week. She is so capable, and the last thing she wants is for anyone to consider her old, but I know that at 86, she doesn’t have the energy she once did. Here senses are also not quite as acute. We have a ritual, where I track down the moldy food item producing the offensive odor in her fridge. Once I’ve done that, we make lunch, and then we sit and chat. After lunch, I clean the dishes. I wrap up my visit by wiping off smudges of newsprint she's left on wall switches and doors. She's about 4'10", so it's easy to tell which are the prints she's left behind. Shortly after I leave, she takes a nap. The napping thing is not new to Mom. She has always been a napper – something I inherited from her. Nothing like a great nap to rejuvenate a body!

Mom tells me she doesn’t mind getting older. It’s getting old she hates. I know that Mom appreciates every day of life she’s lived. I also know that as she gets older, things that used to be trivial are now significant issues. When she fell last month, it was scary. I fall, and I’m a klutz. She falls, and the rest of us hold our breaths. She is also more sensitive to harsh words. Mom has never liked confrontation. When I’m feeling a bit “hormonal” and bitchy, I can see my mom flinch. I try to contain these little outbursts, but there are those days…

Earlier this morning, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it by my mom’s today. I’m so glad I made the time. Ever the gracious person, she always sends me on my way with a big hug and says, “Thank you SO much for coming over.” No, Little Mom. Thank you.

Nearly Two Months Later

2008-11-03T19:02:00.002-07:00

I didn’t blog once during October. I spent the month working on new business, dealing with personal stuff, and avoiding television commercials. How is it that the right to vote, which is so key to our democracy in the U.S. has become such contentious ground? I love that people are so passionate about presidential candidates, but these men are just men. They are not genies who can deliver us from evil and greed, or bestow us with wealth and self-fulfillment. Besides, as my family will attest, I don’t like talking politics. I’m not going to change anyone’s mind – nor is s/he going to change mine.

So now it’s November. Tomorrow we vote for our first African American president, or our first female vice president. Either one is significant. Either is historic. Our sons and daughters finally know that regardless of race or gender, they can aspire to vice-president of president. It is that fact I celebrate – whatever the outcome of the election.

And now that October is behind me, and the election will soon be decided, I feel a bit more focused. I think I'll be more productive.

Day of Silence

2008-09-10T21:08:00.003-06:00

I’ve been on Twitter for a few months now (http://twitter.com/HauteFlash) I’m not great at “tweeting". I can share my random activities and thoughts or pass along my passionate beliefs, but I’m still afraid of the whole “@” response thing. Plus, I kind of like watching everyone’s conversations, rather than getting into them (does that make me a voyeur?)

I saw a tweet today that took me to a blog /tinyurl.com/5fjwga. There, a woman writes about taking a break tomorrow from social media in honor of those who died on 9/11. So because today is still 9/10, I am submitting a blog entry instead of the one I’d planned to post tomorrow.

I knew a woman, who was killed, along with her family, on one of the planes that hit the Twin Towers. I think about her, and I say a prayer for her survivors, just as I say a prayer for the others who struggle each anniversary of 9/11 – each anniversary of some date that brings to mind the people who are no longer with us.

Regardless of one’s political or religious beliefs, horrible, senseless things happen to wonderful people. No amount of empathy or caring words will take away the gut-wrenching pain that strikes those affected by these events. Tomorrow, I will not participate in sharing good karma, green patches, or sea creatures on Face Book. I won’t update with random tweets on Twitter. I will be quiet.

The 20-or-so people who follow me on Twitter (mostly friends) and Face Book “friends” may not notice, but I like that someone out there recognizes the importance of taking time to reflect. So tomorrow, I will pass on my newly-formed social media habit to take time to think of those who had no time to kiss their loved ones one last time, apologize for silly arguments, know how much they mattered... Tomorrow, I will be quiet.

Thanks for the idea!

Network of Strength

2008-08-20T20:16:00.002-06:00

A friend and PR colleague of mine asked me today if I would help out with an organization called Network of Strength, a non-profit created to raise funds for breast cancer. I’m not sure what the organization does yet, but I signed up. I need to raise $1000, and once I figure out all of the details, I’ll do it, and I'll blog about it.

Later today, I received a card from my friend T – the woman I mentioned in my April blog. I haven’t seen her since she had her mastectomy, but I’ve been keeping up on the reports from mutual friends. In her card, she told me she’s been reading my blog. (Yay! Someone reads my blog!!) Seriously, her note made me cry. It amazes me how many women I know who have gone into chemo or other treatment for cancer with incredible grace, and who come out with even more grace.

I have been thinking a lot about these incredible women, wondering how I can reach out to more of them, how I can make sure more of us are doing our part to let them know they’re not alone, how to let them know that those of us who are healthy will continue to care for ourselves, so that we can provide greater support for them.

My new look for The Haute Flash Site will be ready soon. A key vision for my site continues to be an outlet for people like T, and those of us who can offer only love and support. I am still looking for clothing, linens, and other products that will keep women feeling beautiful, regardless of whether they’re dealing with aging, female-related cancer, menopause, PMS, or simply a rotten mood. Now I hope to add Network of Strength as a way to do something more. Stay tuned for information, as I learn about it. And thanks, T, for your lovely card. It meant more than you can imagine!

Window Fan

2008-08-05T11:00:00.002-06:00

Today, my husband is 60. He’s in Los Angeles for work, and I’m in Denver, wondering what to do to celebrate his birthday. Yes, I threw him a party, and it was a success, but it was a surprise party. Those are always so weird. Personally, I don’t like being the person for whom (at whom?) a surprise party is thrown, but that’s another story for some future blog – or not.

I want to do something low-key, but special for him. He’s not a big celebration guy, but I can’t just give him a card and call it good. He’s not terribly sentimental. In fact, he’s not at all sentimental. He’s a minimalist, who doesn’t like spending a lot of money. He likes it even less when someone spends a lot of money on him. My step-adults agree that it is difficult to figure out what gifts to give their dad/my husband. The thing is, he’s a wonderful man, and his family likes to recognize his birthday, even if he doesn’t

Sadly, I think I’m going to end up giving him a practical gift. With the record heat we’ve had in Colorado, he says at least once a day, “We really need a window fan.” It doesn’t matter if our house has A/C. We rarely use it. It’s a waste of energy and money. So I guess I’ll buy him a fan, make him a nice dinner, and give him a card. And because he never reads my blog, the fan will be one more thrilling surprise I’ll give him in honor of his 60th birthday. Wow that’s practical, and totally unromantic! I think he’s beginning to rub off on me.

On occasional blogging and my husband turning 60

2008-08-01T13:00:00.002-06:00

Crap! I’m not following the great suggestions of social media gurus regarding blogging. Every day, I have some idea about which I might blog, but then, like so many of the trains in my brain, either the idea lacks an engine and never leaves the building, or it evaporates and is long forgotten by the time I sit down to write.

Today it’s already the first of August. I spent most of July worried about bringing on new business, migrating my website, and throwing a surprise party for my husband’s 60th. The surprise party was the most stressful. My dad died at age 59, and my oldest brother won’t be 59 until January, so I had never celebrated a man’s 60th before.

I wasn’t sure how best to celebrate my husband’s b-day, until he started saying, “When I turn 60, I’m going to celebrate the 60’s”. Because my husband was a jock in high-school and college and then joined the Navy, he didn’t experience the 1960’s the same way a lot of others did. For starters, he had short hair, didn’t smoke pot, and wasn’t a rebel.

I decided to throw him a surprise party with a 1960’s theme. It was a small affair, but I think he enjoyed it. Given that we held it a week before his actual birthday, he was indeed surprised. I’m sure he had a hunch I was up to something, but with the help of my step-son, step-daughter, daughter, mother-in-law and sister-in-law, we were able to pull it off before he figured out our plan.

So now it’s August, and my goal for the month is to turn over a new leaf when it comes to blogging. I don’t know what that will look like. Given that it’s been a challenge to blog once a month, I dare not commit to weekly, but those darn blog gurus have said I should be blogging at least daily. I’ll think about it.

Aiming for the Next Level

2008-07-02T08:10:00.001-06:00

I want to take my website to “the next level”; although I’m not quite sure what that level is. When I first conceived The Haute Flash Site, it was to be a resource for women to deal with issues around getting older. All of the elements seemed to be there: The Women’s Lounge – a forum for online discussion and support; Haute Line– an area for women to learn about traditional and alternative medical approaches to health; this blog and a variety of products that make a woman feel her best, even if she’s in the throes of menopause.

Many people tell me they know of a site that is just like mine. I hope not, but as I’ve said before, there are plenty of women dealing with aging and everything that goes with getting older. Until we become comfortable with who we are, learn to take care of ourselves, and celebrate the wisdom that comes with aging, there will be no such thing as too many resources.

In the next 30 days, I will migrate my site over to a different web developer. My current web person is a gem, and I will continue to send work her way. This next step will provide me with an integrated solution and the ability to manage my site without being a technology wizard. The new solution will also keep the spammers out of The Women’s Lounge. Maybe once I spruce up my site, I’ll actually keep it updated. What a concept!

My Best Friend's Daughter's Wedding

2008-06-18T07:35:00.003-06:00

Some days, I can’t believe I’m 50. Memories from my childhood and adolescence seem so recent. I look at them as these isolated episodes, and I think it wasn’t that long ago they occurred. Then I see the many other memories piled on top of them, and I’m amazed. When I was in the fourth grade, I remember telling my brother Rory that time seemed to be moving a lot faster. A few years older than I, he said, “Just wait. The older you get, the faster the time will move.” Whenever I sense time zipping past me, I think of him saying that.

Late last month, I attended the wedding of Kate, the oldest daughter of my friend Peggy. Peggy is one of two friends I’ve known since I was four. The youngest of seven, Peggy grew up in my neighborhood. We went to school together from first grade until sixth, and then we went through high-school together.

I have seen many brides look like they’re in costume at their weddings. Kate was in no costume. From the time Kate entered the world, she hasn’t been one to fuss much over makeup, hair and other girlie stuff, but on her wedding day, she truly was a vision of beauty. Her hair was swept up. Her makeup was perfectly understated, and her dress was stunning on her. She was in her element.

As Kate walked down the aisle, I watched Peggy’s expression. It was full of such love and pride. The reception was a blur of hugging, kissing, and best wish-giving. It was Kate’s moment to shine, and Peggy’s moment to enjoy. I knew we’d have a chance to talk about it later.

I know it has to be a sense of accomplishment, knowing your progeny has found love. But then what? How do you trust that other person to love your child unconditionally - how do you KNOW they will bring out the best in each other?

I haven’t had a chance to talk to Peggy much since the wedding. She is still catching up on work. I look forward to spending time with her and learning about this next chapter in her life as a woman, as a grown-up, as a mother.

Fragile, Fragile Life

2008-05-22T10:57:00.001-06:00

Caitlin (my daughter) called me on Monday to tell me that over the weekend, her friend Lily had been in a serious accident. Lily is in the surgical ICU at a local hospital – fortunately, the hospital is probably the best in the state for treating trauma. Right now, there’s a lot of praying, waiting and hoping for the best.

Over the years, I have watched Lily bloom from a little girl into a lovely and confident young woman. In spite of being a little shy, she has scads of friends. She also has a wonderful family, including Jackie, her sweet and gentle mom, who has basically camped out in the hospital waiting room since Lily’s accident.

I haven’t seen Lily in about a year, but when she and Caitlin were in middle and high-school, if she wasn’t at our house, Caitlin was at hers. Jackie and I took the girls to Santa Fe to celebrate the February they turned 13. We shared a suite at an old hotel in Las Vegas, New Mexico and drove an hour south to Santa Fe to tour museums, visit churches, and take pictures. I’ve been looking at those pictures the past couple of days.

Yesterday I went by the hospital, as Caitlin was there with some of Lily’s other friends. Jackie was there, of course, and the minute I saw her, I could feel her heavy heart. She looked so tired. I gave her a big hug. Before I could stop myself before the words, “How are you doing?” slipped out of my mouth. How could anyone be doing under those circumstances?

Women should not be fighting for their lives at the age of 25. Mothers with daughters so young should not have to experience such gut-wrenching anguish. I can only imagine the desperation Jackie feels not being able to hear Lily’s voice. I know Lily is a fighter. Reports are that she is responding to the medical professionals treating her.

All of the usual stuff that I let get under my skin seems absolutely trivial right now. Life can be so fragile. I hold Lily and her family deep in my heart. To visit the website created to keep everyone updated on Lily’s progress and to contribute to her medical costs, go to http://www.lilliancollier.org.

Celebrating 50

2008-04-29T09:30:00.002-06:00

In a matter of days, I turn 50. That number seems so big – not ancient – but certainly not insignificant. In the past, people used to think I looked much younger. I don’t think that’s the case anymore. I honestly don’t know what 50 is supposed to look like.

Everybody has a birthday, so my turning 50 is no more important than my daughter turning 25, or my nephew turning 15. Birthdays are really a very personal thing. It’s not up to the rest of the world to do a happy dance and lavish me with gifts because I’m one year older. It’s up to me how or if I want to celebrate. To mark my half-century of life, I’m finally going to Europe. There, I’ll see my step-daughter in the UK. On my actual birthday, I’m flying to Paris to see a friend who lives in France.

When I tell people my age, some flinch – as though I’ve asked if they want to see my scars from surgery. It’s as if I’m providing too much information. I don’t walze into a room and announce, “Hey, PEOPLE, I’m turning 50!” I just don’t avoid talking about my age.

I think our society has a long way to go before the majority of us accept getting older. But getting older does not mean we have to rot on the vine. I know I’ll have to work that much harder this next phase of my life to stay healthy and in decent shape, but I’m determined to prove that turning 50 means we're just getting started….

Thinking about another woman diagnosed with breast cancer

2008-04-15T15:56:00.002-06:00

The other night I dreamt that my hair was thinning to the point where I had more bald spots than hair. My hair has never been thick, but because it is naturally curly, it looks a lot fuller than it is.

The thinning hair dream is a replacement for the recurring dreams I used to have, in which my teeth would fall out. Once I got my braces, those dreams stopped. I’m not sure which stresses me out more – the thought of going bald or the thought of being toothless. My preference is that neither would happen.

The thing is, in the big scheme of things, I’m healthy. If I lose all my teeth or hair, I will live through it. I’ve recently heard that another woman, dear to my heart, has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She is the person who asked me to find a way on my website to talk about how women can keep from losing their lustre as they age. “T” told me she felt she’d lost her lustre, but she is one of the loveliest women I know – physically and emotionally.

It is difficult for me to find time to update my blogs and chase pervs off the Women’s Lounge (forum) portion of TheHauteFlashSite, but the reason I wanted to create my site was to give myself an outlet for dealing with getting older, while also promoting the idea that when any of our sisters, mothers, partners or friends are dealing with something tough, we need to be there for them.

I haven't addressed T's request to address the loss of lustre, but in spite of what she thinks, T's lustre remains ever-present. If she were to lose every tooth in her mouth and every strand of her hair, she would still be radiant.

Spring

2008-03-21T09:24:00.002-06:00

Hooray, it’s spring! I love this time of year. Gardeners are preparing their soil. Trees are starting to bud. Robins are gathering in the trees, and flowers are beginning to bloom. Even if we get a seasonal snow, I know that soon, the crunching sound of cars on icy snow will give way to the hum of lawn mowers and the chatter of birds and squirrels.

I think I’m ready for this spring. In spite of my mantra that women shouldn’t sweat getting older, I must admit I am sweating the big 5-oh, which will hit me in about six weeks. Next week, my daughter is taking me to the hot springs in Buena Vista, Colorado (The locals pronounce it Bewnee). Because she’s on spring break, this is the best time for her to give me an early birthday present. We’ll spend two days hanging out and catching up. I’m looking forward to it.

Another layoff

2008-03-11T19:16:00.007-06:00

I have just experienced another layoff. As a consultant to the company conducting the layoffs, I didn’t lose my livelihood. I lost a client. Even so, it was a wretched experience. Layoffs always come as an incredible blow. The employer may tell us, “Don’t take this personally, it has nothing to do with you…” If I’m the one who got laid off, I can’t help but take it personally.

After the shock of being told your job is going away, there’s the reality of the dreaded job search. For every new position that opens, there are countless applicants. Some possess youthful looks, and lack encumbrances like families, mortgages, and credit card debt. Others may lack the wisdom, seasoning, and customer service skills that we mid-lifers have gathered over the years, but they may be more flexible with salaries or familiar with newer technology to give them just enough of an edge to get the job offer. If we have become complacent in our jobs, or if we haven't developed new skills, we don’t stand a chance in such a competitive job market.

I understand why these most recent layoffs occurred. I cannot vilify my client. Business, after all, is business. I can feel compassion for those who have to figure out what to do next, after the reality has set in. Those who’ve read my blog may wonder what this has to do with getting older. Sadly, the older we get, the greater our chances of being laid off. Many of us have endured this experience more than once. No matter how many times I’ve seen been down this road, it doesn’t get easier – and after witnessing this last round, I’ve decided it gets worse.

The Haute Flash Site is Officially Up and Running!

2008-02-29T08:29:00.004-07:00

Today is a now or never day. For several months, I’ve wondered when I should officially launch The Haute Flash Site. I considered my birthday or Mother’s Day, but both are too far out. Waiting until May will give me more excuses to postpone committing to my site. St. Patrick’s Day might have worked, but I’d rather not have my site associated with a drinking holiday, and I would hope I celebrate my Irish heritage every day. So I selected Leap Day.

My Web site is a leap of faith that others will consider it a worthwhile resource. It is also leap of faith that I will make time to contribute to my blog and keep the content on the site current. I’ve run into a few hiccups along the way with this site. I look at what is on there now and think, “It’s so empty!”

I am taking that leap of faith that The Haute Flash Site will continue to bloom and in time, it will welcome a steady stream of visitors – wise women sharing lessons, young women sharing dreams – every visitor discovering new and valuable information each time she (and he) visits.

Celebrating my mother's 86th birthday

2008-02-19T07:55:00.001-07:00

Today is my mother’s 86th birthday. On Sunday, she sent me a text message which read,
“In 2 days I will b 86 imagine that good grief many exclamation pts”

I think she’s figured out punctuation, but what’s the point of punctuating text messages? I understood exactly what she was telling me.

My dad died 28 years ago, when he was 59. All six of the kids in my family were out of the house by then, which meant Mom’s house was a very empty and quiet nest. She grieved our father, but she also got a part-time job, played bridge regularly, made new friends, went for walks, and remained an avid reader.

When her eight grandchildren came along, she had a new hobby and a venerated status among her grandkiddos. My mom was a wonderful mother, but she is a perfect grandmother. Without my mother, I don’t know how I would have coped as a single mom. She and my daughter had a standing Thursday night date, when Mom would pick up Caitlin from school, go out to dinner, and spend the rest of the evening playing board games. (At 86, Mom still plays a mean game of Chinese Checkers and can beat almost any opponent!)

It is rather remarkable to think of my mom at 86 – especially when so many of my friends’ mothers have passed away. It is daunting to consider getting older and facing all that goes with it, but Mom has faced her age with grace, humor, and a hefty dose of patience. Her attitude inspires me. Happy Birthday, Patsy (many exclamation points)

2008-02-05T14:11:00.000-07:00

Recently, I had dinner with a friend who is a good 10 years younger than I am. We talked about her birthday, which was coming up in a few days, as well as mine, which is coming up in a few months. When I brought up the subject of age, my friend became noticeably uncomfortable, said she was approaching 40, but that she wouldn’t be that old for a while, and she quickly moved off the topic..

I can’t judge her for not wanting to reveal or talk about her age. I’m not exactly thrilled to be turning 50, but I’m not going to let myself freak out that I’m getting older. What does freak me out is wondering how much I’ve accomplished in 50 years. As a graduate of an all-female high school, I don’t stress out about looking great for my reunions. I worry about measuring up to the accomplishments of my former schoolmates. I’m not talking about the women who married into money. Hooray for them for striking it rich, and all that, but they’re not the ones whose accomplishments blow me away.

My classmates’ careers include stay-at-home moms, bartenders, accomplished musicians, nurses, teachers, brain surgeons, lawyers, and just about everything in between. Those women who have learned to love themselves while caring for others are the women I admire – the women who are comfortable in their own skin, however toned, or fleshy or tan it may be.

While I haven’t officially launched my website, it is scary to declare my age to those who stumble upon or are aware of my blog. I’m resisting the anxiety that starts to natter at me whenever I write about my age, but being anxious about who I am and what I’ve done at this stage is not something I expect to overcome any time soon.

2008-01-01T10:54:00.000-07:00

It’s 2008. I’m trying not to be trite by listing any lame New Year’s resolutions, but for heaven’s sake, I’m turning 50 this year! My catch-phrase for The Haute Flash Site is “women shouldn’t sweat getting older”. I do not want to sweat getting older. It beats dying, and I don’t want to be one of those women with a face lift-induced expression of perpetual surprise. Still, it’s a bit startling to discover that the lines in the corners of my eyes, that I’d thought might be smeared makeup, are wrinkles.

I haven’t completely recovered from adolescence, and here I am, wrinkly. On the other hand, my little mom, who turns 86 this year, doesn’t fret about her wrinkles. For her, the issue is the loss of dear friends. The past three years have been the worst for Mom, as many of her dearest friends have left this life. She reads the obituary section of the Denver Post daily, just to see if she recognizes any of the names, whose memorial services or funerals are taking place.

Over Thanksgiving, my oldest nephew taught my mother to text message. Brendan has the patience and ability to simply complex issues for an 85-year-old. As a result of Brendan’s stellar efforts, my mom now sends me daily text messages, telling me she is awake, but going back to sleep, that she has returned from the grocery store (or “the market”, as she often calls it), or that she’s watching Jeopardy and will call me when the show is over.

As I get closer to 50, I know I will think about this milestone – A LOT. For inspiration on how to embrace life and how to not sweat getting older, I read the latest text message from my mom. It reads, “Hip hip hooray im up and ready for another day” (She doesn’t know how to add punctuation or to capitalize. I’m hoping Brendan can teach her during spring break….)

2007-11-14T12:30:00.000-07:00

Last month, I hit the half-way point with my braces. I don’t want to get my hopes up that I will actually be freed of these metal encumbrances on my teeth by the end of October, 2008, but I really, really want these suckers off! I’m supposed to wear my rubber band all the darn time, but I fear that I’m in for another root canal – my second since I got braces. The horrible pain that shoots from my gums up into my eye socket might be a clue. The rubber band seems to intensify the pain. I know my orthodontist is going to lecture me about wearing my rubber bands. She’s a great doctor, and I know I’m in good hands, but a) Unlike many of her other patients, whose parents or insurance companies are covering the cost of orthodontia, I’m the one financing this wretched torture that is supposed to result in healthy teeth and a winning smile and b) I’m not a teenager! I’m a menopausal woman, whose cheery disposition is in hibernation until I’m either finished with tthese dreadful "sudden sweats", or these damn braces come off!

2007-10-25T14:14:00.000-06:00

Now that I am closer to launching TheHauteFlashSite.com, I guess I’d better update this blog more regularly. I first started telling people about my website a year ago. This past July, I began giving my Haute Flash Fans to female friends and strangers. I find it remarkable how many women respond to the idea of my site. To have a resource where women can learn about menopause or other matters that relate to getting older is still a novel idea. There are a few really great sites out there. One site, www.hystersisters.com, provides helpful information about hysterectomies. Women can learn why others have opted for various types of hysterectomies and can find moral support before, during and after having a hysterectomy.

I first visited hystersisters two years after my “hyst.”, and the information was relevant helpful. My doc had recommended hormone replacement to see me through menopause. To learn from those who had actually taken this hormone, I participated in online discussions on hystersisters. Some of the women said the hormone treatment in question would definitely help. Others said to proceed with caution. Before making up my mind, I researched the alternatives. I then asked my oldest sister (I have three) for her opinion. As a nurse and cancer survivor, her professional knowledge and personal experience make her a credible and compassionate resource. She reiterated what she has told me before, “With our family’s cancer history, hormone replacement isn’t a good idea.”

I passed on the hormone treatment my doc recommended. I was fortunate to be able to make an informed decision. To figure out the best way to approach menopause, or other aspects of getting older, women need to research what works for them. We have choices, and we have an abundance of information available to help determine what the right choice is for each of us. It's basic common sense, but I think that so many of us feel we're the first ones to experience menopause. Read literature. Talk to a variety of medical providers and practitioners of alternative medicine. I think the best research is to listen to those women who have gone through menopause. Not only have they walked in our shoes; they have left a clearly marked path for us to follow.

2007-07-26T15:13:00.000-06:00

Say it loud… I’m menopausal and … er, well, hot!

I don’t mind that I’m getting older. It certainly beats being dead. I don’t even mind that my body is going through a slew of changes, not all of which are pretty. I got used to an ever-changing body when I turned 14 and had my first period. From that point on, I knew I’d better have a sense of humor and get over any hang ups about what it means to be a woman. What I do mind is that there’s a stigma attached to getting older – especially for women. That’s why I’ve created this blog.
I am encouraged by the number of websites and other resources available for women to learn about physiological and psychological changes that can occur as part of the aging process, but I’m discouraged by how many of us are afraid that getting older means the end to our vitality as women.

Menopause is just one small portion of my adventure into “the middle ages”, so I don’t plan to write about only that subject. I will also write about other aspects, good and challenging, that I’m experiencing as a baby boomer getting older, including the braces on my teeth, which I have worn for nine months. There’s a lot to be said for juggling hot flashes and the pain of newly tightened braces. The combination has tested my sanity and patience, but maybe it will make me that much more flexible.... Maybe.

I know this blog will be a therapeutic outlet for me. I hope that it will be also be useful to other women dealing with similar issues, and to the people who love them. I’d love to say I’m going to post an entry every other day. Right now, my aim is to post weekly. We’ll just have to see how it goes.